Doubt can be tricky and sly. It sneaks into the corners of our minds, most times, without our knowing. This doubt, this whisper of a lie wrapped in false security, slowly turns to flat out fear. Fear of the unknown, fear of what others may think, fear of failure and disappointment, fear of being alone. Now, the decision laid before us is soon swayed by our own perceived thoughts of why we shouldn’t move forward. The fear takes over, and we miss the target – all because that small seed of doubt was planted by our inability to trust not only ourselves but the One who has called us out into unchartered waters. The opportunity is missed – we cast our shamed gaze to the floor – and use the excuse that we simply weren’t ready to step out, and say to ourselves, “We’ll get it next time.” Little by little, our faith dwindles in our ability to move at all, and we grow comfortable with our surroundings, causing each call from the Creator to move, to grow quieter and quieter until all we hear are our own fear-filled thoughts and reasons why we can’t.

Fear and doubt are a Warrior’s most dangerous kryptonite – and they have been mine for longer than I would care to share with you. They are so strong, charged with emotion and experiences of the past, that they can cause me to lose my footing altogether. Faith turning to fear is one of the most tragic things to happen in my mind, yet it seems to happen more than I would probably like to admit. Our Father, who knows intricately every detail of my entire being – everything from logic to emotion, beauty to ashes, past to future – has a way of calling me to move in ways that sometimes make me want to run and hide. “Uh, no thanks, Jesus – nice of you to offer though!” (followed by a sassy eye roll and a “what the heck are you thinking?”, muttered under my breath.)

When Jesus calls me to grow, it is never easy. It always, ALWAYS, requires me to consistently show up and put in the hard work. For me, that has looked like getting up in the morning, sacrificing an hour of my sleep, to meet Him in my living room before the world is awake, just to spend time with Him before the craziness of my day begins. It has looked like continually renewing my mind by disciplining myself to recognize that He is with me in every single present moment. It has looked like leaving past friends and habits behind, just to walk in the woman I was called by my Creator to be. It has been painful, and hard, and at times awkward and inconvenient – and I always find myself at times, screwing it up somehow. I choose comfort over bravery, I choose insecurity over His words about me, I choose fear over faith. I forget His goodness, and I dwell in my imperfectness, all while He is sitting right in the midst of it all with me – begging me to remember to clothe myself in His grace. Begging me to remember who He says I am, and more importantly, who He says He is.

There’s a story in Luke that the Lord has been using lately to grab ahold of my heart and my issue with believing in who He says He is. By that, I mean my struggle with fear illustrates to my soul that there is a crack in my foundation in trusting Him when His call requires an act of stepping out in faith. Luke chapter 5, verses 1 to 11 says this:

“One day as Jesus was standing by the 

Lake of Gennesaret, the people were crowding 

around him and listening to the word of God.  

He saw at the water’s edge two boats, 

left there by the fishermen, who were 

washing their nets. He got into one of the boats, 

the one belonging to Simon, 

and asked him to put out a little from shore. 

Then he sat down and taught the people from the boat.

When he had finished speaking, he said to Simon, 

“Put out into deep water, and let down the nets for a catch.”

Simon answered, “Master, we’ve worked hard 

all night and haven’t caught anything. 

But because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

When they had done so, they caught such a 

large number of fish that their nets began to break. 

So, they signaled their partners in the other boat 

to come and help them, and they came 

and filled both boats so full that they began to sink.

When Simon Peter saw this, he fell at Jesus’ 

knees and said, “Go away from me, Lord; I am a sinful man!”  

For him and all his companions were astonished 

at the catch of fish they had taken, and so were 

James and John, the sons of Zebedee, Simon’s partners.

Then Jesus said to Simon, 

“Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.”  

So, they pulled their boats up on shore, 

left everything and followed him.”

The first thing that grabs my attention about this passage, is that Jesus – without invitation – stepped into Simon’s boat. After what was probably a long day of trying to catch some fish for Simon, Jesus plops down into his boat without being invited and instructs him to go out and fish again. I don’t know about you, but if I had been Simon, I would’ve been so annoyed! Probably saying something like, “Excuse me dude, but I’m trying to make a living here and I had a crappy night out at sea and I’m exhausted – who asked you here anyway?! And who are you to put your butt in my boat and tell me to go out and fish again?!”  We can kind of pick up on his annoyance, as Simon instantly responds with doubt – “Master, we’ve worked hard all night and haven’t caught anything. But, because you say so, I will let down the nets.”

Can you imagine how tired and discouraged Simon would’ve been after being out all night on the sea, without bringing a single fish home? I would bet that he let down those fishing nets thinking, “This guy has no idea what he’s asking of me. I’m exhausted and need a nap.” Jesus’ request was a severely uncomfortable inconvenience, and one filled with little hope in the mind of Simon. He allowed his emotion and past experience to color his present moment with Jesus – therefore responding with an attitude of fear and doubt.

Jesus, knowing fully well how tired Simon was, hopped into that boat and made the request anyway. He knew how inconvenient and uncomfortable it would be for Simon – who had just brought in his boat and put all of his equipment away – to go back out to sea and try again. Jesus, in His perfect wisdom and selfless grace, loved Simon far too much to allow Simon’s inconvenience to keep him from what Jesus was calling him to. Jesus made the uncomfortable demand because he knew what Simon would gain if he would just trust the voice of his Creator – and sail back out into the deep waters.

Simon’s life was forever changed that day, simply because he fought through the doubt and stepped out of his comfort zone despite how tired he was. Those nets, that were discouragingly empty before, were now so full that they were beginning to tear open. Jesus rewarded Simon’s faith by giving him so much more than Simon could ever have known to ask for. 

Jesus’ final words to Simon in this story haunt my heart – “ ‘Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for people.’  So, they pulled their boats up on shore, left everything and followed him.”  Simon learned a totally transforming lesson that day:  Jesus really was who He claimed to be – faithful. Not only that but because Simon made the choice to trust the voice of Jesus over his fear – he would spend the next few years ministering with the very Son of God, Himself. He would get to experience firsthand Jesus in action.  Simon was able to step into the calling he was created for. Can you imagine if he had stayed in that place of doubt? “Nah, Jesus, man, I’m good. I’m tired, and I really don’t feel like going back out there. I’m headed home for some sleep.”  Simon would’ve missed out on so many amazing experiences and blessings that the Lord wanted to give him!

Life is scary – and guess what – Jesus knows that! But sister, He loves you far too much to allow you to remain in the comfort of your own walls built by imperfect hands. He calls you to the unknown because He purposefully wants your full attention. He asks us to walk through situations that we have no idea what’s on the other side of because He wants to be enough for us. He meets us in those places of uncertainty and terror so that His faithfulness can shine and our need for Him can reveal itself in such a raw and desperate way. There is a reason that His call to the unknown is so terribly uncomfortable. It’s because it requires us to lay down our emotion and our past experiences, to lay down our pride and our insecurities and choose to trust the One that is pleading for our souls – “I am enough for you. Trust that I am behind, with and go before you. You are never alone, despite how you feel.”

This isn’t easy, and I promise that it will require you to show up – even on the days you don’t want to – and put in the work of flexing that faith muscle. But I can also promise you this – there is an enormous amount of grace waiting to cover you while you walk this out. He sees your struggle. He sees your past. He sees your deepest wounds. And yet, He still calls you to bigger things that require work. Why? Because it is through the pain of walking toward Him that you will experience the deepest healing. It is where you will sense His presence the strongest and be overwhelmed with his vast love for you. It is where you begin the process of stepping into the woman you were meant to be:  Brave, Strong, Redeemed, Made New. The hard work is worth every single ounce of freedom waiting for you on the other side of that fear.

Step out with hands shaking, palms sweating, and heart pounding – with this simple truth tucked into the corner of your heart – You are fully able to step out into the scary unknown. You are fully capable of walking through the pain. You are able because Warriors operate with the mindset that this beautifully chaotic process is dependent upon His grace alone, and your fear filled faith.