I believe there is a desire so innately woven into the core of who we are that it has the power to dictate many different aspects of who we become. This rooted desire can affect the way we view ourselves and others around us. It has the power to bring destruction to self and relationships if not harnessed in a healthy way. This deep-seated desire can propel us forward into amazing opportunities of beautiful change and self-growth. Or, it can consume and destroy, leaving us scarred and immersed in a web of our own warped perception of reality. This inherent longing within us all is the fierce desire to be wanted.

Inside each and every one of us is this deep craving to be pursued and fully known. If we are pursued, then we are seen, and if we are seen, then we can be known. If we are known, then we are understood and to be understood means we are accepted. To be accepted speaks to our souls that we are finally enough. When we feel as though we are enough, completely understood and fully known, we feel wanted. 

I have gone to great lengths at certain points in my life to achieve this feeling. I have looked for it in things – craving comfort and familiarity over bravery and trust. I have searched for the need to be wanted in people – longing so desperately to be “enough” that I was willing to sacrifice my very identity for the sake of artificial acceptance. I have sought out and fought hard for a feeling; a very strong, life-altering and demanding feeling. There have been many times that I have based my perception of being wanted on how someone else treated me. I have allowed my feelings of being unwanted to overcome the truth – that despite how someone else may treat me, I am always enough simply because Jesus says I am.

I want to take us on a journey to the book of Genesis and introduce you to a woman named Hagar, who longed desperately to be seen, to be wanted.

“Now Sarai, Abram’s wife, had borne him no children. 

But she had an Egyptian slave named Hagar; 

so, she said to Abram, “The Lord has kept me 

from having children. Go, sleep with my slave; 

perhaps I can build a family through her.”

Abram agreed to what Sarai said. 

So, after Abram had been living

in Canaan ten years, Sarai his wife 

took her Egyptian slave Hagar and gave her

to her husband to be his wife. 

He slept with Hagar, and she conceived.

When Hagar knew she was pregnant,

she began to despise her mistress. 

Then Sarai said to Abram, “You are responsible

for the wrong I am suffering. I put my slave

in your arms, and now that she knows 

she is pregnant, she despises me. 

May the Lord judge between you and me.”

“Your slave is in your hands,” Abram said. 

“Do with her whatever you think best.” 

Then Sarai mistreated Hagar; so, she fled from her.

The angel of the Lord found Hagar

near a spring in the desert; 

it was the spring that is beside

the road to Shur. And he said,

“Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have

you come from, and where are you going?”

“I’m running away from my mistress Sarai,”

she answered.

Then the angel of the Lord told her,

“Go back to your mistress and submit to her.” 

The angel added, “I will increase your descendants

so much that they will be too numerous to count.”

The angel of the Lord also said to her:

“You are now pregnant and you will give birth to a son.

You shall name him Ishmael, for the Lord

has heard of your misery.

He will be a wild donkey of a man;

his hand will be against everyone

and everyone’s hand against him,

and he will live in hostility toward all his brothers.”

She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her:

“You are the God who sees me,” for she said, 

“I have now seen the One who sees me.” 

That is why the well was called Beer Lahai Roi; 

it is still there, between Kadesh and Bered.

So, Hagar bore Abram a son, and Abram

gave the name Ishmael to the son she had borne. 

Abram was eighty-six years old when Hagar bore him Ishmael.”

(Genesis 16:1-15)

In this story, we see two different women longing desperately to be wanted, but feel as though they are not enough. From this lie, from this deeply rooted feeling of not being enough, came insecurity and a fear that paved the way for destruction. 

The first woman I want to focus our attention on is Sarai. What isn’t clear in the above chapter, but is in chapter 15, is that Abram, Sarai’s husband, was given the promise from God that Sarai would bear a child. But, the very first sentence in the above reading boldly states that Sarai had not yet borne any children.

I cannot imagine the paralyzing fear Sarai must have felt once the somber realization that she may never bear children sank in. The cavern of sorrow that must’ve formed in her heart as time passed; her desire for children growing rapidly, but the possibility shrinking ever so slowly. The insecurity that she had to have clothed herself in, while those around her had children of their own, and she still did not – allowing the fear-filled war in her mind to become the very identity she walked in. Even though the promise of a child had been breathed out by God Himself, Sarai struggled to see past the desire of her own timing. She allowed her feelings of fear and doubt manifest themselves in her own perception of not being enough. In this fearful identity – wrapped up in how she felt – she attempted to operate outside of God’s timing by instructing her husband to sleep with her servant, Hagar.  In Biblical times, if her servant, Hagar conceived with Sarai’s husband, Abram, then Sarai could have the family she desperately longed for. If she achieved the goal of having a family, then she would finally feel as though she were wanted; she would finally feel enough.

Sarai got what she so intensely craved because Hagar became pregnant with Abram’s child. But because this was a decision made out of fear and doubt, it brought aggravation and devastation. We see in verse 4 that Hagar became frustrated and unhappy. Sarai’s response to Hagar’s pregnancy was to blame Abram for this whole situation.  And in verse 6 we see Abram’s response to Sarai’s pointed finger, which plainly looks as though he casts Hagar aside – not wanting to be bothered with the very person carrying his child. 

Hagar, understandably consumed with strong feelings of being unwanted, and cast aside by both the man who has fathered her child and her master, Sarai, flees. Hagar runs away into the desert, pregnant, alone and undoubtedly terrified. She’s harboring vast feelings of not being enough for the very people she has spent her life serving. They have forced her into a life she probably never wanted, and then left her alone to sort out the very mess they created for her. I can only imagine her overwhelming desire to be understood, to be seen and comforted. Talk about feeling unwanted!

Two very broken, very scared women in this story, choose to allow how they feel become the truth they operate out of. The perception of how they felt – insecure, afraid, unwanted, not enough – become their reality. But God, in the way He always does for His broken and battered daughters, comes to the rescue. 

In verse 7, God finds Hagar in the desert, and amidst her probable tears, asks, “Hagar, slave of Sarai, where have you come from, and where are you going?” He addresses her by her name and who she is. This verse can be easy to skip over, but I find it extremely important – because the God of the entire universe calls this seemingly unworthy slave by her name. Why is this so important? Because it is an insanely beautiful reminder that He knows us fully. 

Hagar responds to God’s intimate question with the reason she has run away. Does the Lord get mad at her, frustrated with her running away from her masters, seemingly quitting, with nowhere to go?  No.  Instead of chastising her, the Lord promises to increase her descendants. He leaves her with a promise full of blessing and then instructs her to go back to Sarai. He took the time to remind a slave girl – insecure and all alone – that He sees her. Hagar, realizing this, declares Him to be the God “who sees me” and that she has “seen the One who sees me.”  Wow, what a complete life-changing, crazy upside-down encounter with the Lord!

So Hagar returns to her master, Sarai, and I have a strange feeling that she did so confidently. Why did she return to her mess confidently? Because she now knew her true identity and was able to walk strongly in it – her identity of being fully known and completely seen by her Maker. This wasn’t a mere feeling; it was the truth breathed out to Hagar by God Himself. She was enough – she was wanted – because God said so, not because of how Hagar felt.

I’m writing this today for all of my sisters who are walking in their own perceived identity –  that you are not enough. Maybe someone in your life has spoken this over you so many times that you now believe it as truth. Maybe someone broke your heart, which screamed to the very core of your deepest insecurity, telling you loudly the lie that you are unwanted and unworthy. Maybe a parent or close friend has rejected you, leaving you with the somber feeling that you are not accepted as you are. Maybe you have lived your entire life trying desperately to please everyone around you, craving the moment when someone – anyone – would look at you and finally validate the feeling you’ve been searching for your whole life – the feeling of being wanted, of being enough, of being seen.

Well, I want to tell you – no, scream at the top of my lungs at you – this truth:  you are enough despite the lie of how you’ve allowed someone else make you feel!!  Despite the lies that may have been spoken over you that you now believe as the truth about yourself. I want to plead with you – and if I was standing in front of you, shake your shoulders – and fiercely remind you that despite what others say, despite how someone else has made you feel, You! Are! Enough!  You are seen by the very God that created you and knows your deepest wounds. Who sees your most intense fears, and understands without hesitation the insecurities you keep hidden away from the rest of the world. 

Jesus sees you. He sees the boy that you gave your heart to, and how powerfully you’re hurting because he chose to walk away – leaving you with this chest aching, gut-wrenching feeling that you are not enough. 

Jesus sees you. He sees the parent that you have so desperately tried to gain acceptance and love from, only to continually throw their disapproval your way, simply because they can’t understand who you are. 

Jesus sees you. Your Heavenly Father understands the wounds and scars you bear, and how painful it is to plaster a smile on your face, despite feeling unwanted and unloved. 

Jesus sees you.  He knows, He sees, He understands, and He calls you His Beloved.

Jesus wants you to hold out your hurts, your mistrusts, your wounds, and your fears and give them to Him. It will probably be messy – it will take work and practice to walk toward Him with confidence and believe that you are who He says you are – accepted and enough. Here’s the upside truth – how we feel can sometimes be deceiving, especially when it comes to our identity.  Especially as women, we long to be cherished, pursued, protected and loved. We long to be wanted, and we tend to put our security and identity in the person or thing that makes us feel as though we are enough.  But here’s the reality –  our security and our truth in knowing we are enough should only ever come from the One who created us. He is the only one with the right to tell you, you are worthy. He is the only one that gets the right to see all of who you are –  the good, the bad and the ugly – and then tell you, you are enough. Why? Because He loves you so vastly, so unconditionally, and He is so proud of the woman that you are. “That’s my daughter”, He says with great joy and swelling pride. “Look how strong and beautiful I have created her. I see her and know her fully, and I am blessed to call her mine.”

Beloved sisters, this has been a struggle of mine for many years. If I am being totally vulnerable with you – feeling like I am not enough is my most hidden battle and my greatest hardship. It is the battle that has caused the most wounds, brought on the most tears, and brought with it the most destruction in my life. To this day, I still fight to believe the truth about who He says I am. I still struggle to not find my worth or my acceptance in the people around me. I battle daily against putting my security in a feeling that I have allowed someone else to speak over me. I have to continually ask the Lord to remind me of who He says I am in Him. I have to intentionally and daily seek His truth over how I feel. I have never been at my most strongest than when I have chosen to believe that despite how someone else may have rejected me or treated me – I am wanted and enough simply because it is His truth about me.

I don’t know what wound or battle you are walking through today, sister friend. But I do know this one thing. I know that it’s time for us to let the rejections and judgments of others fall away so we can make room for this upside-down truth:  we are daughters of the One True King Jesus, who can walk boldly and fearlessly in the reality that we are completely seen, fully known, and totally accepted by our Creator. We are wanted.