Hi, friend! This week, I got the privilege of sharing my words on Monet Carpenter’s blog for her “He Said, She Said” blog series. The “He Said, She Said” blog series consists of women sharing their stories of how they’ve seen God’s faithfulness play out in their life. Today, I’m sharing with you what it looks like to lay down our fears and anxieties about the unknown parts of our healing, in order to tether ourselves to the only One capable of making us whole.

Below is an excerpt of my guest post, and you can finish reading the whole story by clicking the button below 💛

It was a cloudy, gray day at the beginning of March as I clambered tiredly out of the car feeling physically and mentally empty after not eating for 36 hours straight.  

My husband and I had been here before and we were both eerily familiar with the restless silence that simmered beneath the surface before a procedure. 

After checking in at the front desk, a nurse led me back to a room the size of a cubicle and I changed into the light blue and pink checkered gown, surrendering to the fact that I was the patient. 

Two colonoscopies in three years isn’t something a typical 26-year-old experiences. But this is a part of my story and the reality of that slowly sinks in as two nurses wheel me back to surgery.

“Lay it all down – at the feet of Jesus.”

This breath prayer had been my mantra all day, but now – as the wheels turned, and the sound of beeping machines grew nearer – it had become my liturgy. 

Emptiness & the Lenten Season

It’s been three years since the diagnosis of my autoimmune disease. Three years of battling anxiety with every return of a symptom, or the fear that my disease is only getting better so it can get worse again. 

And it’s been three years of knowing that this procedure will probably be a regular rhythm of my life and wellbeing. 

Just six days prior to my scheduled procedure, the Lenten season began. 

I had decided for Lent to join an online Bible study that had us reading through all four Gospels – Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. The point of the study was to pay attention to the inner life and workings of Jesus. 

How did He behave?

How did He relate to people?

How did He live His life on earth?

What were His priorities?

These questions swam through my mind as I sat down on the morning of my colonoscopy, feeling mentally and emotionally desolate, and a bit scared. God’s Word has always put my racing mind and unsettled soul at ease though, so I reached for my Bible and turned to the day’s Lent reading. 

God, in His faithful way of caring for His children, knew exactly what I needed that morning as the words of Matthew 15:29-30 took on a new and powerful meaning:

“Jesus returned to the Sea of Galilee and climbed a hill and sat down. A vast crowd brought to him people who were lame, blind, crippled, those who couldn’t speak, and many others. They laid them before Jesus, and he healed them all.” (NLT)