The wind and rain were raging, howling like lonely wolves together, into the black night. Rays of magnificent light were dancing all along my walls, turning dark into luminous beams. Each stroke of lightning followed the deafening thunder, making the house shake and my fear-filled heart beat out of my chest. Out of sheer terror and human habit, my immediate response was to shield myself from the seething storm outside by burrowing completely beneath my blankets. Even though the storm continued to rage angrily, I felt safe and protected; a sense of peace replacing my worry. It was as if those blankets were a shield covering me while I waited out the monsoon happening mere feet away from my secret hiding place. Sleep would soon find me, even though my circumstances hadn’t changed, trusting in those blankets to shelter me through the storm.

Where do you hide when life gets too hard to stand against? We all have a hiding place. We all have that one thing or person we turn to when we start to feel the ground beneath our feet shift like sinking sand, taking our security and peace right with it. Our walls begin to crack, as we watch the superficial control we believed we had, turn to dust. Instead of standing tall on our manmade towers, we begin to cower away in fear as we feel the foundation start to quiver. Soon, the battle thickens, and as arrows dressed with fiery flames enter our castles interwoven with our own pride – we run. To where do you run?

I don’t know about you friend, but my immediate childlike response to horror is to hide. For me, it’s hiding behind an angry mask that I’ve created with my own imperfect hands and a false sense of strength. I wear it pridefully, reminding myself and others around me that I am capable of handling anything on my own; I don’t need your pity or your help. This anger breeds mistrust which then turns malevolently into deeply rooted insecurity. Instead of hiding away in the One who sees my struggle, I run to a place of human strength, craving the affirmation of the people around me. Their opinions of me become the very thing I dress myself with each morning, creating wounds and scars that began with one simple choice –  to run inward to myself instead of Jesus, who is the only One fully capable of encasing my burning castle.

We all have a secret hideaway, and as childlike as it may seem, it’s a reality that most of us may not even realize or want to admit. Are you like me, trying desperately to build your walls higher and thicker so no one can see the true panic in your eyes? Hoping that no one notices that you really don’t have it all together like you would like people to believe? Or do you shut down completely, turning to things and objects to fill the void your circumstance has caused? Is it a bottle of wine? Binge watching Netflix so you can escape the reality of your life? Is it burying yourself in your work so that your mind never rests long enough to hit you with the painful truth of your situation? You can call it what you wish, dress it up as pretty as you like, but in the end, it is what it is – a hiding place.

I know from experience that it can be challenging to admit we can’t handle our life. We depend on our own security to get us through, and when we look in the mirror and realize we aren’t capable – we feel like we have failed. We feel afraid and panic-stricken because no one has ever taught us how to handle these unpredictably difficult situations. We ball up our fists, grit our teeth, and tell ourselves we can do this – but friend, the reality is – you were never created to face it using your own will and power. When we run to those places of human strength and superficial peace, they only provide temporary relief. There is no lasting joy to be found within the brokenness of our imperfectly built castles. We can attempt to hide there as long as we want, but I can guarantee you this:  you will leave that place feeling more empty and more wounded than the circumstance that drove you into hiding. We were not created to be our own hiding places; we were not created to shelter ourselves through any storm. As much as I hate to admit it, I cannot draw strength hiding behind an angry mask I’ve created myself. I am imperfect, my mask is laced with human brokenness and my own expectations, and therefore it only creates a breeding ground for disaster.

This is why Psalm 32:7-8 is so beautiful – it instructs us Who to run to:

“You are my hiding place; 

you will protect me from trouble 

and surround me with songs of deliverance. 

I will instruct you and teach you 

in the way you should go; 

I will counsel you with my loving eye on you.”

And again, in Psalm 34:8 – 

“Taste and see that the Lord is good; 

blessed is the one who takes refuge in Him.”

And once more in Psalm 23:1-4,

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing. 

He makes me lie down in green pastures, 

He leads me beside quiet waters, 

He refreshes my soul. 

He guides me along the right paths 

for His name’s sake. 

Even though I walk through the darkest valley, 

I will fear no evil, for you are with me; 

your rod and your staff, they comfort me.”

Every single one of these Scriptures holds the same biblical truth – Jesus is the only One who can be your hiding place, while at the same time giving you the strength you need to stand against life. 

Our own hiding places provide comfort and a sense of false security, but I can promise you they will not provide you with the strength you need to face your circumstance. It’s not a place that gives life and growth. Little by little, those dark places you run to instead of Him, will leave you bloody and bludgeoned from a battle you were never meant to fight on your own. It is only in Jesus that we find true refuge, true peace, to withstand the storm raging around us. It is only in Him that we find our weary souls refreshed and made new, capable to take on whatever the storm leaves in its wake. It is only in Him that we can sharpen our swords and stand confidently against our battles because we are secure in the One who stands before, behind and beside us. If we allow it, He will completely cover us, giving us the strength we didn’t know we had; which reminds us of the power we have access to, if only we would run to Him.

Notice that none of these Scriptures promises us the storm will lighten, or that the problem will disappear. But what they do promise us is this – as long as we hide away within His perfect love, we will find the power to walk peacefully through the storm. Even though the wind is howling, the rain is soaking your clothes and the thunder is distracting you with fear, you can choose to step under His umbrella of protection and be shielded from the terror. You will be amazed that even though your life may not get easier, your heart will become lighter. Because when we choose to run to Jesus instead of ourselves, we admit our weakness and His untouchable strength. There is so much beauty to be found in that place of broken surrender because it is then that our hearts are truly ready to receive what He has for us. It’s about learning to seek what He has for you in that season of terror and uncertainty. If you are constantly running through each storm on your own, you are missing the point. If you cannot seek and find His goodness within the storm, what makes you think that you will ever be able to truly enjoy Him at the other end of that dark tunnel? The storm is a process He uses to remind us of our weakness, and His impenetrable strength and faithfulness. You have to find Him in that process – because if you don’t – I can promise that life on the other side of that storm will never be enough. You will always be searching for a hideaway, an escape, that leaves you yearning for more.

If you run to Jesus, the Lover of your soul, He will be waiting to engulf you with His everlasting peace and supernatural joy. It is in this hiding place that He whispers to your heart, reminding you of who you are you and more importantly, who He is. When you run relentlessly after Jesus amidst the chaos of your sinking sand, you give Him the power to move drastically throughout your life. No storm can stand against Him, He is the Master of the storm. The storm, the very thing you run from – that seems so drastically earth shaking and impossible in your life right now – cowers in terror at the very whisper of the name Jesus. Warriors, that is our hiding place, that is our strength. Our job is to hide so completely in Jesus, that when we walk into the middle of that very storm – it shuts down. The fear trembles back to whatever dark and dingy hole it crawled out of. The nagging anxiety and worry have no choice but to surrender to the might of His joy. The heartbreaking, soul-crushing pain cannot refuse any longer the healing touch of His perfect hands. We are made strong and whole in the presence of His holy hiding place. This is where we become the storm, this is where true Warriors are made.